Goals and dreams

I want to do something about my life. It might sound very clique, but please keep reading.

I’ve never had any plans to do something great or try for anything amazing. From I was very young I’ve sort of settled with that I will never be famous or anything, and that was fine. I have no obvious talents, nor have I practised anything from a very young age. I’ve done pretty good at school, though my grades have went gradually down the last few years of school because of laziness. When I was 16 I remember my Norwegian writing teacher told me to never stop writing. In a way I have failed her so far, because I don’t normally write any texts anymore. Maybe I should take her advice, and start writing again. I love writing, but I often have a hard time starting with something. And having the time to write. The closest to a talent except for my decent grades must be drawing, but as you all know that’s not really great either. Sure, I’ve learned a bit. I just don’t have the motivation or skills to take this as far as I would like; and even if I did, where would it take me?

I’ve felt pretty average most of my life. I mean, I feel average now. I work full time as an apprentice, in the process of becoming a graphic designer. This is something I have chosen myself, and I don’t really regret it. I love working with design, both with web and printed stuff like brochures. But is it really what I want with my life? It’s not that I’ve lacked imagination or dreams, I’m actually not sure why I’ve always just settled on a average life. Maybe because it’s easy. During my school years I’ve thought about becoming a scientist a few times, given my interest in science and discoveries. Still I’ve never considered it as an actual option. And through imagination and roleplaying I’ve explored my thoughts about coming a musician or an actor, but if I seriously considered it I would kind of laugh at myself. I don’t have a singing voice and I’m practically tone deaf, so singing is out of the question. Although I played a little keyboard/piano at some point, it never become any more of it. And becoming an actor just… Never seemed realistic though I don’t know why.

But the point of all this is, I don’t want to sit on my lazy butt anymore! I feel like I admitted defeat before even knowing there was a fight. This was a very sudden realisation I had, triggered by something pretty strange. The last few weeks or so I’ve become really interested in the actor Tom Hiddleston. It started when I went to see Thor 2, and later when I started watching interviews of him I become more and more fascinated with him as a person. You might start to think that it’s him or his acting career that made me think, but it’s not. Because I’ve become a fan of him I decided to see if he was in any plays when I’ll be in London in February. I was happily surprised when I found out he was in fact going to play the main role in Coriolanus, a Shakespeare play. I started looking online for tickets, but it seemed to me like they were not out yet. A few days later I randomly stumbled upon a website that had tickets for sale, and got super excited. It turns out they were sold out, and have probably been for a while. It was super anticlimactic, even more because for all I know there could still have been some left when I first found out about the show; if I only had checked the right website. And this is what made me think. Because I got something that could have been the experience of my life torn away right in front of me, possibly because of something random.

I feel like the world was fucking with me, with something that was out of my control. So I thought to myself; “I might not be able to change this, but there are still things I can do. If I lost the experience of my life like this, I have to create my own experiences. And what’s stopping me?”.